Police Department Will Trim $3 Million From Budget By Scrapping Firearms Training

January 14, 2017



by Elliot Fineman


(satire) The Plains River Police Department (PRPD) announced today it will trim $3 million from its yearly budget by immediately ceasing firearms training of all officers. More than half of the department’s budget has traditionally gone to firearms training, a practice to now be fully phased out.


Asked about the new no firearms-training policy, Chief William “Willie” Johnson said the force did not realize the money was being wasted until recent testimony before the Wisconsin state legislature from Fred Doyle, a gun industry lobbyist. Doyle explained that the only way citizens can exercise their “God-given right to self-defense” is to carry a gun. “Even if they have never fired one—they can safely carry it and defend themselves because self-defense is a reflexive, intuitive act,” asserted Doyle.


“Why on earth would police officers need training when citizens need no training to be able to defend themselves? It makes no sense,” said Chief Johnson. “Twenty-four states now issue permits without requiring someone to ever have pulled a trigger once. Clearly firearms training of officers, and retraining which we had been doing every six months, is a waste of taxpayers’ money.”


Recently, federal legislation that would allow gun owners to carry their weapons anywhere in the U.S. even if they reside in the growing number of states requiring no training whatsoever or no permits has been filed by Congressman Richard Hudson, Republican of North Carolina. The states of Idaho, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia, Alaska, Arizona, Kansas, Maine, Vermont and Wyoming now allow “permitless carry”–carrying a concealed weapon without any training or state permits. Permitless carry will likely soon be legalized in Texas, Montana, Utah, Indiana, New Hampshire, North Dakota and South Dakota.


Not everyone on the Plains River force applauds the move. “How can we possibly stop crimes in progress and accurately hit human targets without frequently spending a lot of time at the range?” asked Officer Chip Andrews, 25, of Driftburg who has recently joined the force. “An officer with no firearms training is useless on the beat–and puts everyone else, civilians and officers, in danger at the same time.”


But Shirley Stark, a PRPD public information officer, disagrees. “Rep. Hudson’s bill already has 77 co-sponsors. Clearly all those lawmakers are not wrong. It is increasingly obvious that training to know how to handle and shoot a lethal weapon is not necessary for its appropriate use. We are happy to have identified this misappropriation of our funds.”


As part of its elimination of firearms training, the Plains River Police Department will shutter its 18-year-old firing range on Dunkins Road/Route 29.


When asked about the department decision, Mayor Rich Cooper lauded the discovery of the “regrettable waste of funds that has gone on year after year” and said he hoped the money could now be “used for the schools” or “water department upgrades.”




Elliot Fineman

CEO – Founder

National Gun Victims Action Council